Placement

Placement was one of the hardest things I've ever been through, and also one of the most beautiful.  AG wanted to have the placement ceremony at the LDS Family Services office.  She has had a lot of really good experiences there, and it is a place where she feels the spirit and feels supported and loved.  I am so glad that we were able to have it there and not in the hospital.

 AG has worked with the same caseworker throughout her pregnancy (and continues to work with her now), and the plan was that she would meet with AG and her family, fill out the paperwork with them, and then come and meet with us.  However, she had a family emergency that day so she was only able to meet with AG. At first we thought she wouldn't be able to meet with AG either, but she was able to make arrangements to be there.  I know that meant a lot to AG, and she and her family were probably greatly relieved - I know we were!

The placement happened three days after A was born.  A was released from the hospital that morning, and we helped AG and her family load up everything in the car, and then they took A to their home for a while to spend some time with her before the placement.  AG was able to spend some time alone with little A during that time.  I know it was a time that she will always cherish, and when A is older she will also be so grateful that they had that time together.

While they were spending some quality time with little A Allan and I did some shopping.  We had some gifts that we had planned on giving AG and needed to go and pick them up.

We made AG a Promise Book.  We had it all made up before the birth but wanted to wait to print it until we had some actual pictures of the baby, and her with the baby.  AG's friend M took pictures during the birth and in the days after the birth.  She got us the pictures so that we could add some to the Promise Book.  We ordered from Walmart so that we could have the book in an hour but then realized that the book we wanted wasn't available in an hour, so we ended up printing two because we felt like she really needed to have it on placement day.

Then we went to get some flowers.  We had planned on getting her flowers at the hospital but were both so flustered that we completely forgot!  I know - major failure.  It was our first baby and first adoption so everyone was very understanding. ;)

We got the flowers and dropped everything off at LDSFS in hopes that the flowers wouldn't freeze - it was below zero weather.  (I think they did freeze a little though because they died rather quickly.)  Then `we met our parents and went out to eat lunch.  Allan's Mom and Dad and my Mom and Step-Dad were able to come to the placement.  My Dad lives kind of far away so he wasn't able to make it to the placement but was able to come and see the baby before we left for home.

When we got to LDSFS we gathered in one of their conference rooms.  It is where they have group with all of the expectant mothers, birthmothers, and single mothers.  It has a very homey feeling.  They brought in the paperwork to sign, and since we had already read through it before it only took about 5 minutes!  We were expecting it to take a lot longer than that.  AG had the hard part.  She hadn't had a chance to go over the paperwork before so it was her first time going through it.  If you have ever read that paperwork then you know how harsh it is.  I'm so grateful that her family was there with her to support her during that.  I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been.

I was so nervous as we waited for AG.  Not because I was afraid it wouldn't happen - I never once felt that way, AG was always so firm in her decision.  But I was about to see her heart break.  I can't stand seeing people I love hurting, and I love AG so very, very much!  She has given us the world.  When I feel like that I don't cry, I just get all tense and shaky.  Allan sat beside me and held my hand.  I could tell he was nervous too. 

After a while AG came in.  She was carrying little A and crying.  I went a gave her a big hug.  I wanted her to hold A as long as possible.  Her family came in and we all sat down and the caseworker asked us to talk about how we were feeling right now.  All of our parents cried.  It was the first time I've ever seen my Step-Dad choke up!  It was really hard to find the words I wanted to say in so short a moment.  I wish I had come prepared to say something so that I could have done a better job!  I don't know if there are really words to express what I felt and I'm sure everyone else was feeling.  I do remember feeling so happy to finally be a mom but also feeling so sad for AG and her family and feeling very protective of AG.  My emotions were so conflicting I had a really hard time figuring them out.  I wanted to shout with happiness and dance around the room and bawl my eyes out all at the same time.

We presented AG with the gifts we got her and then took a bunch of pictures.  Then AG placed A into my arms and her and her family walked out the door.  I looked up just as they were leaving.  I still don't know how they did that.  But, I'm grateful that it wasn't a "goodbye forever", just a "see you in a few days". 

 At one point Allan and I looked over and saw our moms hugging each other and crying together.  It was a priceless moment!  We LOVE our Mother's!

We took a few more pictures and then left with little A.  We were finally a family of three!  It felt so, SO good!