We are no longer expecting a baby in November.
Our caseworker told us on Monday that K feels uncomfortable with her decision and she wants to take some time to look at other options.
Of course we are heartbroken. Adoption is really, really hard. We wish K the best and we hope that she will still consider us as she searches for answers.
For us it is time to move forward and start searching again. Please let everyone know that we are hoping to adopt: your friends, family, and neighbors, your hairdresser, your Bishop and Relief Society, the guy sitting next to you on the bus....you never know who might know someone who is looking for a couple to place their child with.
Thank you all for your love and support, and your help on our journey to grow our family.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Sweet Baby P
K6 and baby P. Both mom and baby are doing well, and don't they both just look beautiful!
P was born via c-section on Aug 19th. She is 7 lbs 14 oz and 20.5 in long! That's a very big baby for our family!
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Happy Birthday to Our New Niece, P!
My sister, K6, and her husband K welcomed their baby girl P today! She is niece number 5 for us! I am so excited to meet her in a couple of weeks!
Today in primary we had a competition between the boys and the girls. One little boy got REALLY into it. He is 5 years old. When it was the boys turn to sing he popped up out of his chair, stood as stiff as a board with one foot slightly in front of the other like he was braced for impact, tilted his head back, opened his mouth as wide as he could, and didn't stop making noise until the song was over. His intensity was so great that he was actually shaking! He knew about half of the words so the rest of the time he just sang a combination of AAAAAAH and UUUUUUUH. I was laughing so hard I kept messing up leading and messed up on some of the words even though I could see them! The boys definitely won for noise but the girls knew the words much better.
We got to visit with some friends this Tuesday that moved away last year. It was so fun to see them and meet their brand new baby girl. She is gorgeous and I am totally jealous! ;)
On Wednesday our stake had a dance for the 12 and 13 year olds. Because Allan holds a calling with the Deacons we got to go to the dance. Woohoo! It was a lot of fun! We enjoyed going out and learning the new line dances and showing off our foxtrot. I did the Macarena for the first time since Jr. High! The boys in our ward had been given a challenge to ask 5 girls to dance - if they did then they got ice cream at their next activity. It was so funny to watch these cute boys, some who had just turned 12, circle the room every time a slow song came on with terror on their faces. You could see them trying to get up enough courage to ask, and desperately trying to find a girl that wasn't in a large group so that it was a little less intimidating. I am happy to say that all of the boys will be getting ice cream on Wednesday!
We went to the Temple on Thursday and had a wonderful evening there. It is so comforting to have a Temple so close and be able to go whenever we feel like we need a spiritual boost.
Saturday we woke up at 3:07am (quite literally) to drive to an adoption conference in Phoenix. We really enjoyed the conference - as always - and we got to see K and M there too, which of course was an added bonus. At the conference we talked about infertility and grieving, experiencing a failed placement, special needs adoption and the services provided to help in these cases, openness in adoption, ideas to help find your child, adoption laws, what to expect at the hospital and at placement, and had an adoptee panel and birthmother panel.
It's always so nice to know that we aren't alone in our grief and fears. It's a relief to talk about these things with people who are going through the same thing as you. We always leave feeling uplifted and grateful that we came.
We really enjoyed the adoptee and birthmother panels. The adoptees that spoke this time all had closed adoptions to begin with. They have all always known that they were adopted. One still has a closed adoption and has found comfort and understanding in talking with one of her siblings birthmothers. Another one is now open; he was married with children when he found a letter from his birthmother in his parents things. He said that he feels he has mostly benefited from learning about the health history of his birth family. The last is about 9 years old; he talked about how he always wondered about his birth family and how great it has been to have a relationship with them, and he really likes that he knows where his red hair came from! (What a cutie!)
It was of course wonderful to hear from the birthmothers. They talked about how they came to choose adoption, find their families, the grieving process, and how they have begun to move forward. They also talked about what a blessing it has been to see their children so happy and in a family that loves them and can give them so many opportunities. It was obvious that they found joy in the choice that they made. It is still hard for them though.
That's the funny thing about adoption.
It is hard for the birthmom every day. From the moment they discover they are pregnant (and sometimes before that) it is hard, and it doesn't stop being hard. Being content with your decision doesn't make it any easier.
It's hard for the adoptive couples every day. From the moment they discover they can't get pregnant (and sometimes before that) it is hard, and it doesn't stop being hard. Even after adopting children the pain of infertility is always there.
But fortunately by being a blessing to each other we can find peace and be happy, even in the hard.
Today in primary we had a competition between the boys and the girls. One little boy got REALLY into it. He is 5 years old. When it was the boys turn to sing he popped up out of his chair, stood as stiff as a board with one foot slightly in front of the other like he was braced for impact, tilted his head back, opened his mouth as wide as he could, and didn't stop making noise until the song was over. His intensity was so great that he was actually shaking! He knew about half of the words so the rest of the time he just sang a combination of AAAAAAH and UUUUUUUH. I was laughing so hard I kept messing up leading and messed up on some of the words even though I could see them! The boys definitely won for noise but the girls knew the words much better.
We got to visit with some friends this Tuesday that moved away last year. It was so fun to see them and meet their brand new baby girl. She is gorgeous and I am totally jealous! ;)
On Wednesday our stake had a dance for the 12 and 13 year olds. Because Allan holds a calling with the Deacons we got to go to the dance. Woohoo! It was a lot of fun! We enjoyed going out and learning the new line dances and showing off our foxtrot. I did the Macarena for the first time since Jr. High! The boys in our ward had been given a challenge to ask 5 girls to dance - if they did then they got ice cream at their next activity. It was so funny to watch these cute boys, some who had just turned 12, circle the room every time a slow song came on with terror on their faces. You could see them trying to get up enough courage to ask, and desperately trying to find a girl that wasn't in a large group so that it was a little less intimidating. I am happy to say that all of the boys will be getting ice cream on Wednesday!
We went to the Temple on Thursday and had a wonderful evening there. It is so comforting to have a Temple so close and be able to go whenever we feel like we need a spiritual boost.
Saturday we woke up at 3:07am (quite literally) to drive to an adoption conference in Phoenix. We really enjoyed the conference - as always - and we got to see K and M there too, which of course was an added bonus. At the conference we talked about infertility and grieving, experiencing a failed placement, special needs adoption and the services provided to help in these cases, openness in adoption, ideas to help find your child, adoption laws, what to expect at the hospital and at placement, and had an adoptee panel and birthmother panel.
It's always so nice to know that we aren't alone in our grief and fears. It's a relief to talk about these things with people who are going through the same thing as you. We always leave feeling uplifted and grateful that we came.
We really enjoyed the adoptee and birthmother panels. The adoptees that spoke this time all had closed adoptions to begin with. They have all always known that they were adopted. One still has a closed adoption and has found comfort and understanding in talking with one of her siblings birthmothers. Another one is now open; he was married with children when he found a letter from his birthmother in his parents things. He said that he feels he has mostly benefited from learning about the health history of his birth family. The last is about 9 years old; he talked about how he always wondered about his birth family and how great it has been to have a relationship with them, and he really likes that he knows where his red hair came from! (What a cutie!)
It was of course wonderful to hear from the birthmothers. They talked about how they came to choose adoption, find their families, the grieving process, and how they have begun to move forward. They also talked about what a blessing it has been to see their children so happy and in a family that loves them and can give them so many opportunities. It was obvious that they found joy in the choice that they made. It is still hard for them though.
That's the funny thing about adoption.
It is hard for the birthmom every day. From the moment they discover they are pregnant (and sometimes before that) it is hard, and it doesn't stop being hard. Being content with your decision doesn't make it any easier.
It's hard for the adoptive couples every day. From the moment they discover they can't get pregnant (and sometimes before that) it is hard, and it doesn't stop being hard. Even after adopting children the pain of infertility is always there.
But fortunately by being a blessing to each other we can find peace and be happy, even in the hard.
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Catching up...
July 24 - Allan has been inviting a friend from work to come to church with him all summer. The Elders finally tracted into him and scheduled an appointment. Allan had the opportunity to go with them and teach him a little more about the church. It didn't really go anywhere, but it was a great experience and a huge blessing from the Lord.
July 27 - Allan went on a camp out with the Deacons (the 12 year old boys) in our ward. It decided to rain all night long that night, but they managed not to get too wet even with the holes in the tent. They went fishing the next day and caught several fish. The biggest accomplishment though was that nobody got seriously hurt.
While Allan was gone I babysat 3 little girls ages 3, 5, and 7. The two older girls are super shy and will rarely speak or acknowledge others in public. I was expecting them to be more comfortable at home but still have a relatively quiet night. When I came to their house they were their normal shy selves. Then their parents left.... It was like opening the flood gates! As soon as their parents were out the door they started talking all at once and didn't stop until after I put them to bed! They showed me all of their favorite toys and books and read some books to me, played hide and go seek, the My Little Pony game, and High Ho Cherry Oh, and then I read them some bedtime stories - all while they talked my ears off! It was a blast, and I hope I get to watch them again in the future. Our last round of hide and go seek I thought I'd make it easy on them and hide behind the kitchen curtains. They are very thin and there isn't any space behind them so I thought they'd see the form of my body...and my feet and ankles poking out the bottom. That turned out to be the best spot imaginable! They searched and searched for me and finally resorted to yelling my name saying they couldn't find me (while they were standing in the kitchen!). It took all I had not to bust out laughing. I started to move the curtains back and forth. It took them a while to see it and then one of them said very calmly "Oh look. The curtains are moving. I wonder if she could be behind them." And then they talked about how it must be me because the sliding glass door wasn't open and there wasn't a fan on, then they came and moved the curtains. Now I know that the best place to hide in hide and go seek is the place I think will be most obvious!
July 30 - We got a call asking if we could do Foster Care Respite for two little girls ages 2 and 1. We would care for them 24/7 Aug 5-11. We would need to get certified in a week. We said yes. I know, we're crazy, but we thought it would be fun and a good chance to see how child friendly our house is!
August 2 - We found out that they found someone else that was already certified for respite care. We were bummed and relieved because that week was going to be busy for us anyway.
August 4 - I went to a 2yr old's birthday party and had a water fight with some little ones. So fun!
August 5 - For Primary we did the Olympics. I can't take any credit for this (or really anything else I do since I get most of my ideas from other people's blogs) because the Primary President started this with the kids on the last Sunday in July. She gave me all of her stuff, and I continued it this week. It was super cute and a ton of fun. I chose different children to be judges for each event, and they really enjoyed telling us if we got a gold, silver, or bronze medal. I am happy to report that we got mostly Gold medals! Woot! Woot! It also gave me a good idea about what songs and verses the children knew best and which we need to work on some more.
August 7 - I helped a friend clean out a little old ladies house. She has recently been moved to a nursing home to get better care. Always fun to serve!
August 8 - We made a trip to Phoenix to visit K and go to a birthmother support group with her. It was an amazing experience, and I wish that I could go every time they have one. These women have gone through quite the trials, and I am so amazed at their strength and faith to overcome. We really enjoyed seeing K and her mom again and are excited to spend some more time with her on the 18th. More on this in another post.
August 9 - Helped a friend clean her house. She's pregnant and super sick. That morning her little boy got stung by a scorpion! Poor little guy. So I went over and helped her clean up a little to see if we could find (and get rid of) any other scorpions that might be lurking about. We didn't find any, but her house looked great afterward, and since her son was on benadryl and slept most of the day, she got a much needed rest that evening.
August 10 - For the first time in several years Allan beat me at checkers! It was a monumental occasion and (although I was sad to end my winning streak) we had a great celebration for him. Streamers, brownies, ice cream, a parade.....just kidding. I did wish him a hearty congratulations though!
August 11 - We re-stocked our food storage and now have a full 6 month supply. Woohoo! Now to figure out how to put it all away....
Present - Today in primary we worked on the second verse of I'm Trying to be like Jesus. I found a really cute idea on sugardoodle.net and promptly stole it (or used it rather). One of the children came up and looked at themselves in a mirror and then at a picture of Jesus and told what they had in common - two eyes, a nose, etc... and then I asked all of the children in general "Who has two eyes like Jesus", etc. They were all so excited that they looked like Jesus. I talked to them about doing good things so they would look like Jesus in their countenances. Then I used that idea to learn the song asking them to listen for ways to do good things and be like Jesus. At one point I asked "What are some lessons Jesus teaches us?" The little girl I used to babysit, M, says "Don't go outside, you have to not go outside alone when your mom doesn't know." A couple of questions later I asked "What do we need to watch for?" (the song says watch for the day of gladness...) and M says "Watch out to not go outside alone when your mom doesn't know." Little M must have gotten into some trouble this weekend and it was fresh on her mind! The kids had a lot of fun and I think they learned the song pretty well. I lost my voice about half way through though so we'll see how they do next week.
I also subbed for the 6 year old class today which was a lot of fun. But, I forgot to give them the snack their teacher asked me to give them. Oops.
The lesson in Deacons Quorum this week was on respecting women. The brother who was teaching the class asked "How can you respect women?" One of the deacons promptly answered "Just listen and keep your mouth shut!" the only other answer was "Obey". Sounds like they'll do well in life. Haha! Also, just to prove that they are boys, when asked what their mothers do for them, most of their answers had something to do with how their mothers feed them. Speaking of that, I need to go feed Allan.:)
July 27 - Allan went on a camp out with the Deacons (the 12 year old boys) in our ward. It decided to rain all night long that night, but they managed not to get too wet even with the holes in the tent. They went fishing the next day and caught several fish. The biggest accomplishment though was that nobody got seriously hurt.
While Allan was gone I babysat 3 little girls ages 3, 5, and 7. The two older girls are super shy and will rarely speak or acknowledge others in public. I was expecting them to be more comfortable at home but still have a relatively quiet night. When I came to their house they were their normal shy selves. Then their parents left.... It was like opening the flood gates! As soon as their parents were out the door they started talking all at once and didn't stop until after I put them to bed! They showed me all of their favorite toys and books and read some books to me, played hide and go seek, the My Little Pony game, and High Ho Cherry Oh, and then I read them some bedtime stories - all while they talked my ears off! It was a blast, and I hope I get to watch them again in the future. Our last round of hide and go seek I thought I'd make it easy on them and hide behind the kitchen curtains. They are very thin and there isn't any space behind them so I thought they'd see the form of my body...and my feet and ankles poking out the bottom. That turned out to be the best spot imaginable! They searched and searched for me and finally resorted to yelling my name saying they couldn't find me (while they were standing in the kitchen!). It took all I had not to bust out laughing. I started to move the curtains back and forth. It took them a while to see it and then one of them said very calmly "Oh look. The curtains are moving. I wonder if she could be behind them." And then they talked about how it must be me because the sliding glass door wasn't open and there wasn't a fan on, then they came and moved the curtains. Now I know that the best place to hide in hide and go seek is the place I think will be most obvious!
July 30 - We got a call asking if we could do Foster Care Respite for two little girls ages 2 and 1. We would care for them 24/7 Aug 5-11. We would need to get certified in a week. We said yes. I know, we're crazy, but we thought it would be fun and a good chance to see how child friendly our house is!
August 2 - We found out that they found someone else that was already certified for respite care. We were bummed and relieved because that week was going to be busy for us anyway.
August 4 - I went to a 2yr old's birthday party and had a water fight with some little ones. So fun!
August 5 - For Primary we did the Olympics. I can't take any credit for this (or really anything else I do since I get most of my ideas from other people's blogs) because the Primary President started this with the kids on the last Sunday in July. She gave me all of her stuff, and I continued it this week. It was super cute and a ton of fun. I chose different children to be judges for each event, and they really enjoyed telling us if we got a gold, silver, or bronze medal. I am happy to report that we got mostly Gold medals! Woot! Woot! It also gave me a good idea about what songs and verses the children knew best and which we need to work on some more.
August 7 - I helped a friend clean out a little old ladies house. She has recently been moved to a nursing home to get better care. Always fun to serve!
August 8 - We made a trip to Phoenix to visit K and go to a birthmother support group with her. It was an amazing experience, and I wish that I could go every time they have one. These women have gone through quite the trials, and I am so amazed at their strength and faith to overcome. We really enjoyed seeing K and her mom again and are excited to spend some more time with her on the 18th. More on this in another post.
August 9 - Helped a friend clean her house. She's pregnant and super sick. That morning her little boy got stung by a scorpion! Poor little guy. So I went over and helped her clean up a little to see if we could find (and get rid of) any other scorpions that might be lurking about. We didn't find any, but her house looked great afterward, and since her son was on benadryl and slept most of the day, she got a much needed rest that evening.
August 10 - For the first time in several years Allan beat me at checkers! It was a monumental occasion and (although I was sad to end my winning streak) we had a great celebration for him. Streamers, brownies, ice cream, a parade.....just kidding. I did wish him a hearty congratulations though!
August 11 - We re-stocked our food storage and now have a full 6 month supply. Woohoo! Now to figure out how to put it all away....
Present - Today in primary we worked on the second verse of I'm Trying to be like Jesus. I found a really cute idea on sugardoodle.net and promptly stole it (or used it rather). One of the children came up and looked at themselves in a mirror and then at a picture of Jesus and told what they had in common - two eyes, a nose, etc... and then I asked all of the children in general "Who has two eyes like Jesus", etc. They were all so excited that they looked like Jesus. I talked to them about doing good things so they would look like Jesus in their countenances. Then I used that idea to learn the song asking them to listen for ways to do good things and be like Jesus. At one point I asked "What are some lessons Jesus teaches us?" The little girl I used to babysit, M, says "Don't go outside, you have to not go outside alone when your mom doesn't know." A couple of questions later I asked "What do we need to watch for?" (the song says watch for the day of gladness...) and M says "Watch out to not go outside alone when your mom doesn't know." Little M must have gotten into some trouble this weekend and it was fresh on her mind! The kids had a lot of fun and I think they learned the song pretty well. I lost my voice about half way through though so we'll see how they do next week.
I also subbed for the 6 year old class today which was a lot of fun. But, I forgot to give them the snack their teacher asked me to give them. Oops.
The lesson in Deacons Quorum this week was on respecting women. The brother who was teaching the class asked "How can you respect women?" One of the deacons promptly answered "Just listen and keep your mouth shut!" the only other answer was "Obey". Sounds like they'll do well in life. Haha! Also, just to prove that they are boys, when asked what their mothers do for them, most of their answers had something to do with how their mothers feed them. Speaking of that, I need to go feed Allan.:)
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