Placement

Placement was one of the hardest things I've ever been through, and also one of the most beautiful.  AG wanted to have the placement ceremony at the LDS Family Services office.  She has had a lot of really good experiences there, and it is a place where she feels the spirit and feels supported and loved.  I am so glad that we were able to have it there and not in the hospital.

 AG has worked with the same caseworker throughout her pregnancy (and continues to work with her now), and the plan was that she would meet with AG and her family, fill out the paperwork with them, and then come and meet with us.  However, she had a family emergency that day so she was only able to meet with AG. At first we thought she wouldn't be able to meet with AG either, but she was able to make arrangements to be there.  I know that meant a lot to AG, and she and her family were probably greatly relieved - I know we were!

The placement happened three days after A was born.  A was released from the hospital that morning, and we helped AG and her family load up everything in the car, and then they took A to their home for a while to spend some time with her before the placement.  AG was able to spend some time alone with little A during that time.  I know it was a time that she will always cherish, and when A is older she will also be so grateful that they had that time together.

While they were spending some quality time with little A Allan and I did some shopping.  We had some gifts that we had planned on giving AG and needed to go and pick them up.

We made AG a Promise Book.  We had it all made up before the birth but wanted to wait to print it until we had some actual pictures of the baby, and her with the baby.  AG's friend M took pictures during the birth and in the days after the birth.  She got us the pictures so that we could add some to the Promise Book.  We ordered from Walmart so that we could have the book in an hour but then realized that the book we wanted wasn't available in an hour, so we ended up printing two because we felt like she really needed to have it on placement day.

Then we went to get some flowers.  We had planned on getting her flowers at the hospital but were both so flustered that we completely forgot!  I know - major failure.  It was our first baby and first adoption so everyone was very understanding. ;)

We got the flowers and dropped everything off at LDSFS in hopes that the flowers wouldn't freeze - it was below zero weather.  (I think they did freeze a little though because they died rather quickly.)  Then `we met our parents and went out to eat lunch.  Allan's Mom and Dad and my Mom and Step-Dad were able to come to the placement.  My Dad lives kind of far away so he wasn't able to make it to the placement but was able to come and see the baby before we left for home.

When we got to LDSFS we gathered in one of their conference rooms.  It is where they have group with all of the expectant mothers, birthmothers, and single mothers.  It has a very homey feeling.  They brought in the paperwork to sign, and since we had already read through it before it only took about 5 minutes!  We were expecting it to take a lot longer than that.  AG had the hard part.  She hadn't had a chance to go over the paperwork before so it was her first time going through it.  If you have ever read that paperwork then you know how harsh it is.  I'm so grateful that her family was there with her to support her during that.  I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been.

I was so nervous as we waited for AG.  Not because I was afraid it wouldn't happen - I never once felt that way, AG was always so firm in her decision.  But I was about to see her heart break.  I can't stand seeing people I love hurting, and I love AG so very, very much!  She has given us the world.  When I feel like that I don't cry, I just get all tense and shaky.  Allan sat beside me and held my hand.  I could tell he was nervous too. 

After a while AG came in.  She was carrying little A and crying.  I went a gave her a big hug.  I wanted her to hold A as long as possible.  Her family came in and we all sat down and the caseworker asked us to talk about how we were feeling right now.  All of our parents cried.  It was the first time I've ever seen my Step-Dad choke up!  It was really hard to find the words I wanted to say in so short a moment.  I wish I had come prepared to say something so that I could have done a better job!  I don't know if there are really words to express what I felt and I'm sure everyone else was feeling.  I do remember feeling so happy to finally be a mom but also feeling so sad for AG and her family and feeling very protective of AG.  My emotions were so conflicting I had a really hard time figuring them out.  I wanted to shout with happiness and dance around the room and bawl my eyes out all at the same time.

We presented AG with the gifts we got her and then took a bunch of pictures.  Then AG placed A into my arms and her and her family walked out the door.  I looked up just as they were leaving.  I still don't know how they did that.  But, I'm grateful that it wasn't a "goodbye forever", just a "see you in a few days". 

 At one point Allan and I looked over and saw our moms hugging each other and crying together.  It was a priceless moment!  We LOVE our Mother's!

We took a few more pictures and then left with little A.  We were finally a family of three!  It felt so, SO good!

Our Daughter has Arrived!

Little A       7lbs 2oz      19 inches long

We are so in love with her and are so happy and thrilled to finally be parents!

Allan and I went back up to Utah a couple weeks after Christmas for a funeral in the family.  Because she was due so soon I decided to stay so that I could be there for the birth.  Allan went back to Arizona to work.

Two days later we got a text from AG's mom saying that she was in the hospital and the doctor was most likely going to keep her.  It was probably the real thing...  As soon as we knew for sure I called Allan and told him to get on his way.  Then I promptly lost my mind.  Gratefully, my awesome sister-in-law C helped me find a plane ticket for him and I started packing bags.  My amazing sister-in-law SG lent me her car so that I could drive to the hospital, and my wonderful mother-in-law made me a lunch and got the car seat ready.  Then I took off for the hospital which was an hour and a half away.

Allan had a 3 hour drive to the airport, then an hour and a half flight, followed by another hour and a half drive to the hospital.  His parents picked him up at the airport and drove him - and the carseat we borrowed from them ;) - to the hospital.  It was10 hours from the time I called him to when he arrived at the hospital, and he arrived with 10 minutes to spare!  Modern transportation is incredible!

I arrived at the hospital and waited with AG and her family.  AG did so good!  She was a trooper.  The day before some of her friends had given her a pamper day so her toe nails were super cute!  Pitch Perfect played in the background while we chatted, filled out paperwork, and played Skip Bo.  It was so fun to watch the monitor and see the stork fly by.

I feel so blessed that I got to be in the room with her and see everything happen.  I held one of her legs while she pushed and really got to be a part of everything.  It was so amazing!  I am so grateful that I got to witness the hard work AG went through to bring A into the world.  It made my appreciation and love for her grow deeper.  I am so grateful for the sacrifice she made for little A that has enabled me to be a mother and Allan to be a father, something we couldn't do for ourselves.

In between contractions we watched American Idol, LOL!  It gave AG something to focus on and definitely kept the mood light! 

AG pushed for two hours, and little A was slow in coming so the doctor decided to use forceps.  She got the forceps situated and then the top of little A's head popped out!  It was so awesome to see!  It was dark (she's got a good amount of hair) and all wrinkled and squished.  The doc re-situated the forceps and pulled again and then I saw her cute little face.  Her eyes were wide open and her cheeks looked HUGE because they were all squished.  I remember thinking she was so gorgeous.  Witnessing her birth was the most wonderful, amazing thing I've seen.  So amazing that I cried, and if you know me you know that crying is a very rare event for me.  It was a moment of pure joy!

If you look close you can see the tear ;)

The doc pulled her out and (literally) tossed her onto AG's belly.  She and the nurses took care of a few things, and then the doc took A to bring her to be wiped off and tripped and stumbled across the floor!  Thankfully the doc didn't fall down or drop little A!

AG was so tired and shaky from the birth that she didn't feel safe holding A, so I got to be the first one to hold her.  I felt so bad for AG because I could see that she was dying to hold her, but I really enjoyed the moment.

100% pure mommy moment!

Allan and AG's dad came in after it was all over.  Allan was exhausted from his 10 hour travel but elated to see his daughter.  It made me so happy to see him holding the little girl we've waited and hoped for for so long.

I also got to feed A her first bottle.  I loved seeing her try to figure out what to do with the nipple.  It was so cute to watch.  The human body and mind are amazing things.

AG and A both had high fevers so they took A to the NCU soon after she was born and put her on antibiotics for precautionary measures.  She did really good though.  She was so tired that she didn't cry when they put her IV in or when they pricked her heel.  However, when they changed her diaper she'd had enough and let us all know about it!  She has the cutest little squawk.  We stayed with her for a couple hours and then went to bed.  In the morning the nurses had her all dolled up!

Love the bow in her hair.

We spent as much time in the NCU with her as we could, along with AG and her family.  Both AG and A's fevers went down the next day which was good.  They kept A in the NCU until her blood work came back showing that she was healthy. The morning after she was born Allan and I went back to the NCU first thing.  AG had given me one of the hospital bracelets so that we could visit her and A at any time.  We walked up to the NCU and showed them the bracelet and the nurse said "Wow, I've never seen a mother look as good as you do the next day!" We had a good laugh and then explained that we are the adoptive parents.

So happy to be a Daddy!

We helped the nurse bring A to AG's room when she was released from the NCU.  It was so fun to see AG and A together.  We really enjoyed spending that time with her and her family in the hospital.  I am extremely grateful for open adoption and for how great AG and her family are.  They made us feel so welcome and made sure we were involved in everything and got all the information we needed concerning A.

The hospital gave AG an outfit for A that she could take home and also did moldings of her foot and hand.  They turned out really good, and it was a great keepsake for AG.

The outfit.  Isn't she so adorable!

We gave A her second bath.  We were going to give her the first bath but that changed when she went to the NCU.  She hated having the sponge bath and squawked through the whole thing but she LOVED having her hair washed!

Whenever she hears water she makes this face.  It is so darling!

AG and her family thought that little A had a poopy diaper and thought it would be a good photo op - first time dad changing his first poopy diaper.  It would have been, but Allan is very experienced in the poopy diaper area.  In fact, I didn't have to change any poopy diapers for a few days after we brought her home!  That's my amazing man for you!  

It turned out that the diaper wasn't even poopy, lol!  We did get some REALLY cute pictures though. 

We were in the hospital for about 3 days.  The first night Allan and I went back to AG's house and stayed the night there.  (Her parents guest bed is super comfy and we slept really well!)  The next two nights we stayed at the hospital so we could be close to A and AG.

The doctors and all of the nurses were so good.  They did a great job about including everyone and making sure we all got the information we needed and were all involved.  It was so nice to have A in AG's room because then AG could be involved in everything too.  We are so grateful and amazed at the strength that AG and her family showed.  They are amazing people, and they love little A so much!  We are so happy to have them in our lives.

We love our little girl!